AHHH The sound of Silence!

After a crazy week and a half, I am sitting here planning my day, enjoying a hot cocoa and finishing up my oatmeal. My 5 and 3 YOs are at school, and the boy just settled himself for a nap.

AAAHHH Mommy time! Ok, not really, but at least I get one uninterrupted hot meal in me before I set out on my day, which will consist of cleaning my home and planning the next few dinners, catching up on laundry and maybe even changing some bed linens for a bit of excitement!

Such is the life for a stay at home mom. Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE this field now more than ever! I like the freedom to choose where I will perform some of my routine tasks, and the gratification I get when I see one of my charges succeed!

True, the pay is horrible, the hours are long, and there is no time off for sickness and you are expected to work straight through the holidays and any vacation you may actually squeeze in! You are responsible for the bookkeeping, the meal planning, the chauffeur duties, the housekeeping, the social planning, gift buying, mental health assessments, and night watchman duties. You have to play doctor, mediator, fashion consultant, detective, nanny, helpmate, and sometimes even the gardener, landscaper, mechanic, and secretary, be quick on your feet and at times show no emotion. You also have to be the soft place to fall and know when a hug is better than any words you can come up with. You have to have a kind smile and a look that can stop delinquents in their tracks. You should have 4 arms and the strength of 10 men! You have eyes in the back of your head, yet know when to look away!

You should be able to do this all while looking cool and collected! You should be able to accomplish this all without a shower most days! With a baby tucked under one arm, and singing along to "Victor Vito". And get this...you should do it willingly, with love, compassion and so much gusto that you fall into bed totally exhausted but yet feeling very fulfilled.

Ah yes, my silence has just been broken. My breakfast is done. I must go swoop up the boy, reboot the laundry and do the dishes...all while singing a silly song and feeding him. Then look forward to the next sounds of silence!

Squishy Shoulders and Chunka chunk legs.

Um, no not mine LOL!

My boy is not only my only boy, he is also my only full term baby. I had my first in a hurry girl at 34.5 weeks. My water broke for some unknown reason and she was born naturally just 5 hours later!

My second was even more in a hurry to be born. My water broke with her at 28 weeks 5 days (A "full term" pregnancy is on average 40 weeks, with 37-42 weeks considered the norm). I held off going into labor, but she still insisted on coming early. I discovered her cord coming out and had to have her via emergency c-section at exactly 29 weeks. She spent just 6 weeks in the NICU before coming home.

We weighed a lot of the pros and cons of having another, and finally decided to leave it to God. God knows best and we got pregnant almost immediately and we were followed very closely since they still had no idea why I had 2 preemies. My Doc reiterated that every pregnancy is different and sent me on my way, with just a few more tests and a few more visits scheduled than an average pregnancy. I packed my bags at 27 weeks. I celebrated 29 weeks and every passing week after. You have never seen a pregnant lady SO happy to have reached 36 weeks!

By 37 weeks, I was getting anxious, 38 weeks panic started to set in...what if this baby NEVER comes out?!? 39 weeks brought more panic..what do you mean, DOC that YOU are going on vacation? I see my Doc's partner and like him immediately.

39 weeks 2 days, I wake up and know something is different. By lunch I am driving myself to the hospital. By dinner I have a full term boy born via successful VBAC (Vaginal birth after c-section)! Everyone was estimating a 7.5 pound boy, but I didn't even want to wish it! ME!! A mom to a big baby! That didn't even seem possible!! My girls were 5 pounds 10 oz and TWO pounds 14 oz at birth. Imagine our SHOCK to see the numbers on the scale..EIGHT pounds NINE ounces!!! That is one ounce BIGGER than BOTH of the girls combined!!! ME!! A mom to a newborn with ROLLS!!

You would think the novelty of baby fat would, well, wear thin. No, baby fat just keep getting cuter! Every diaper change I am amazed that we have these Chunka chunk legs. Thighs so big I cannot wrap my hand around them!! Every time I try I squeeze them to my boy's delight as I exclaim "Chunka Chunk Legs!" I am responded to with squeals of delight! I move up to his "Tubby Tum Tum", then the "SQUISHY SHOULDERS!" this exercise has us both laughing.

I can imagine that I will have to stop doing this soon. Yes, my boy is getting bigger, and not just the pounds on the scale. He is 4 months old already!! He weighs as much as my 29 weeker did at a year. I want to keep admiring his rolls, but know there will be a day they will either start to go away, or they will no longer be cute. I still do it often right now. I want to do it a thousand times so that I will never forget it. I am already starting to forget things, and it just doesn't seem fair!

OK, my squishy shouldered, tubby tummied, chunka leg boy is almost asleep. I will put him in his bed for a nap and watch him sleep for a bit, resisting with everything I have to not touch him again until he awakens later. I look forward to that actually! When he wakes, he will need a new diaper, then I can admire his Chunka chunk legs again!!

MORE cupcakes!!!

I guess when you get good at doing something word gets around.

Yesterday was sign ups for snacks at Day care for the Harvest Party on Friday (Hmm, another politically correct celebration!). All the moms were told to sign up for whatever snack they would like to bring in. There was a list of all the snack choices then a blank for you to fill in your child's name. Well, I look over the list contemplating each one when I see "Cupcakes" and next to it, in pencil at least, was "M____'s Mom ?"

One of M's Teachers comes out of the room with a big smile on her face saying "We were hoping you could bring some of your yummy and beautifully decorated cupcakes to the party". Ok, I do not use any secret recipes for either the batter or the frosting, just a box mix and a jar of frosting, so I can't even take credit for the "Yummy tasting" part of it. I do not add anything to them, unless we only have "yellow" and M insists on Chocolate, then I will add some cocoa powder.

Why do I have to bake, decorate and attempt to get them to school still looking as good as they did when they left, when J's mom only has to buy a bag of potato chips? Why do I have to walk around with stained fingers for 3 days when A's mom will drop off a jar of juice, something she probably already has in her cupboard since they have been on sale 10/$10 for the last 3 weeks (I know because I have stocked up on them, too!)?

Because, as I have already noticed, I am an over achieving perfectionist. So today since M doesn't have Day care, she and I made the cupcakes together. We got some primo bonding time with The boy happily watching us from is Jolly Jumper hanging in the doorway. She sat excitedly, but QUIETLY as they baked and yelled to me when they were done, just in case I didn't hear the buzzer screaming at me. She has even been so nice at to "Check" them every 20 seconds to see if they have cooled off, yet.

And yes, we will be decorating them, and my fingers should only get a tiny stain on them since we decided that "Yummy Mummy" was the way to go. White will be the main color, of course, but I will need to make yellow and black for the eyes. As I said, I am a perfectionist.

But as M and I cracked the eggs and licked the beater together today, I suddenly felt sad for J and A. They will miss out on the time M and I had together giggling when she lifted the mixer out of the batter while it was still running, and grinning to each other as we each got a beater to lick. They and their moms will not get to SMELL their treat cooking, SEE them transform from gooey to gorgeous before their eyes, TASTE their creation, FEEL the batter on their tongues, or fingers or Clothes, or Hair, HEAR the timer go off or have the great anticipation of waiting to see the results of a job well done!

When we drop these off at Day Care tomorrow I will have to thank the teachers for allowing US to be the recipient of such a great gift! I won't shake their hand though, since there will be yellow and black stains on mine still.

LOLO.....

No, that is not a typo. It is my own short hand for what I am doing right now...

I call it Latch On Log On. Yup, I nurse my sweet boy while playing on line. It all started 5 years ago when I had my first DD, I would grow bored with what people have called "Prime bonding time". I do not think this makes me a horrible mom, just one with different needs.

I do love the closeness I feel when I nurse my baby. I love that I am giving them the best possible start to life and that I have the power to give them such rich nutrients and much needed anti bodies.

I do grow bored quickly, though, and need to distract myself with something. TV can get too loud, ad not always appropriate. Radio is not exactly a thrill for me. But my beloved Computer is always here for me. I can adjust the brightness, and Type by the glow of the monitor. I can talk to friends, or play a game or even just catch up on the news. I am plan fantasy vacations, and dream about shopping sprees, build the ultimate family car or even plan my grocery list!

The best part of it is that no one even knows I am doing it. I can, with a strategically placed camera, video conference and no one is wise to what I am doing! If I am feeling very talented, I can type with one hand and answer the phone with the other. I have figured out my chair height, leg and keyboard position to do this!

I have also found that when I LOLO, it makes it easier to limit the time I spend here. Soon after nursing, I need to burp my babe then snuggle him into bed for a nap. If it is a bad day, I will need to change my shirt and / or wash my hair, too.

So don't judge me for my habits. And wipe the silly grin off your face. I am providing my son with a great start to his life and keeping myself sane in the process. Plus, if I didn't give myself this 15 minutes or so, you would have nothing to read anyway.

OK, its a good day today, just need to get my boy in bed for his nap.

Life Back to semi-normal

I'm not sure what "normal" is anymore, but I think this is it!

Saturday's party was a fun time for all, and Sunday's party was made easier by ordering both a cake and food! All we had to do was pay for it, sit back and enjoy the company of family and friends.

Monday was a recovery day and post party clean up, which since we ordered out, was a breeze to clean! My boy had his 4 month check up with 3 shots and then I went shopping for Halloween costumes.

Today was Bible study, looked for the final costume (Found it!) then home for lunch and warm up. I am also on a laundry quest, trying to get everything caught up and changed over since the boy insists on growing. I need to run to the grocery store, a fact I remembered while I was out, but apparently forgot to tell the car because before I knew it I was home. It is a cold, rainy day, so home isn't a bad place to be today!

My 3 YO just got home from spending her usual Tuesday at grandma's, and my 5 YO will be home soon from school.

Yes, this is "normal" here right now. Laundry in various stages of being done, dishes to be done, but there are still plenty that are clean and put away. Beds made, but floor that could use a vacuuming. Windows whose frames are dusted, but whose panes could use a good shining. Evidence of a recent gift opening or two still apparent, but wrapping paper all in the trash.

Life is good.

Stupid Technology

Stupid user, I guess.

I spent an hour blogging up a storm about today's Tea Party for a certain special new 5 YO girl. It was full of wit and insite. Trust me.

You will have to trust me because in one key stroke, my computer froze then crashed as I watched in horror unable to do anything to save the words as they paused, suspended in time before they went away.

I suppose it wasn't meant to be. C'est La Vie.

Synopsis: Party happened. It was fine. All is well. Lets move on. But not tonight.

NOW I understand why you go to college!

Yes, higher learning is important, but I think the single best thing I got out of my brief stint at college was dealing with the lack of sleep, late nights and occasional gibberish coming from my room mates. OK, I didn't really have room mates since I lived at home, but I needed a third thought to make that thought look more complete.

Yes, in college I KNEW 5 o'clock came twice a day. I had 3 jobs and a full class load. 3 days a weeks I would crawl into bed at 5 AM! This is different, but I now see why I had such an insane schedule: I was preparing for motherhood!!

5 years ago I had the biggest reality check when I heard the words "Its a girl!!" It was the wee hours of the morning, but I was suddenly no longer tired! I had performed a feat thousands of years old, yet still awe striking. I had created life! As I sat in my hospital bed alone with my new daughter for the first time, all I could do was stare and wonder and SMILE! There was so much potential there. So much wonder and so much need. Not just her need, but mine as well. I suddenly realized that God had entrusted ME to bring up this new human. It was up to ME to not only care for this child, but teach her how to care about others, how to be polite, eat, eventually cook, stand up for herslef, and when to stand silent. In a few years I would have to teach her how to be a big sister, something I only have a little experience in and how to be the oldest, something I have NO experience in.

I was still learning how to be me, and now I had to teach someone else how to be her. Fortunately this doesn't need to be taught all at once. She CAN learn while I figure it out, too, and no, I do not have to teach her EVERYTHING. She is a smart girl, something I'd like to get full credit for, but she only got 1/2 of my genes. She IS caring and fairly compassionate and starting to get that it isn't all about her, something a few of us need to learn.

She went to sleep a 4 year old. And she knows this. Our upstairs neighbor stopped by to borrow a movie and she told her that she was 4 and even help up that many fingers. Then she happily told her that when she wakes up, she will be this many...and held up as many fingers as she could on one hand. Yes, even she knew in the wee hours of the morning she would be transformed.

Since I was up with my boy once again, I got to peek in on my now 5 YO. When did she get so big? She is 1/2 the length of her twin bed. When she first got that bed at around 17 months, she could easily sleep sideways if the mood struck. Now, she could, if she stayed curled up and not stretch out. I first realize how "grown up" she was getting back in March. Her first real hair cut. My dear Husband and I were discussing her hair trim since it was almost hanging in the potty when she went. She over heard us and asked if she could give her hair to kids that don't have any. MY GIRL!! YES!! A victory for moms everywhere, but a sadness came over me too for I was a bit selfish in wanting to keep her little. I did relent and let her donate 11 inches of her beautiful hair to Locks of Love. Her new hair style made her smile from ear to ear and I, caught up in her enthusiam, grinned back at her new "big girl" cut.

And now...5. Yeah 5. (Elmos fans will get the reference LOL!) My Sweet girl is getting older and she has already taught me so much. I can't wait to see what else she will teach me. College was good for learning, but this Motherhood thing is a very hands on classroom!!

Next Stop....HOME!!!

Mindless Ramblings and other useless thoughts

My 3 year old has this habit of yelling out our itinerary when we leave one place and go to another. I'm not exactly sure how it started, but it is now a habit. We all pile into the car into our assigned seats since there are various types of car seats attatched to the ones the manufactures put in. As we do so, strapping each child into their law required additional seat, she will say "NEXT STOP..." Sometimes she finishes the sentence, others she wants me to fill in the blank and match her enthusiasm. Today while leaving playgroup she happily got into her seat and said "NEXT STOP..." and I echoed her enthusiam and said "HOME!"

This was not the correct answer. She is now refusing to get into her seat. I'm not sure where they get ideas, but she impatiently informed me that our next stop would be Pizza Hut. Um, no, I calmly tell her, we are going home. 3 year olds are not calm rational people. She starts to yell at my why Home is not an option. That Pizza Hut NEEDS to be our next stop. Then the part I hate: The tears. Not sure why she thought we were eating lunch out. Yes, we do occasionally eat at Pizza Hut after play group (Ok in our 3 years of going, we have done it maybe 10 times, and we go to play group 2 times a month!). I once again tell her we will be going home for lunch. I correctly figure out that eating is the driving force of Pizza Hut and think this battle is over. She lets me strap her in, and I get into "daddy's seat" so I can drive home.

Tears and yelling start again shortly after manuvering the family car into traffic. "Next Stop The Bread Store!" "No, we went to the bread store yesterday. We are going home for lunch. Next Stop HOME!". She pouts, but resigns herself to the fact that we are going home for lunch.

We do get home without further incident. Lunch is PB&J on rolls from the bread store. Her opinion? "I want orange crakers that are square in the cavinet" (She is 3 and still has some mispronouncd words. When I speak in her language, I use her spellings LOL!) After some mommy detective work, I figure out she wants some cheeze its. She is right. They are orange, square and in the cabinet she pointed to. Handful of them sooth all tears.

Oh to be 3 again. To be chauffered from one activity to another. To have your meals placed in front of you, and even have some imput to make them more to your liking! To be SENT TO YOUR ROOM! By yourself! Why doesn't anyone ever send me to my room? I think I need a time out!

But not today. After I get more laundry going, I have to get dinner going, then I have to intercept my almost 5YO and pile everyone in the car again. "Next stop...Dentist!". I will say it with such enthusiasm that not one of them question the motivation and not one of them have a glimmer of doubt that this is going to be a fun ride! Ah yes. That is where it started. This mom's attempt to get everyone in the car and into their seats in time to get wherever we are going. Even the dentist. The 3 YO will no doublt look forward to "Next stop home!" As we leave the dentist later today. That is, of course, unless she is hungry!

Happy Windsday!

Mindless Ramblings and other useless thoughts

Well, here it is about 12 hours later and No one has bothered to comment. Of course, I haven't really let anyone know its here! LOL!

Anyway, I've been playing with my settings, adding links and a footer even, and for someone that thought HTML was like Latin (nice to know...for others not me!) I think I'm doing fairly well.

This Friday is my oldest's 5th birthday. For some strange reason, she has off from school so I spent my afternoon baking cupcakes and need to get them frosted soon. Then On to Dinner. Then tomorrow is crazy morning. And I need to squeeze in taking the cupcakes to school for her, but her bus doesn't come until 8:50, and the school doesn't "open" until 9. I have a meeting at 9:15. Yeah, I'm going to be late.

Friday is Errand Day, and I will need to grocery shop and make a cake for her first ever friend party on Saturday, then on Saturday I get to make a cake for the family party here. Am I nuts to have 8 of her friends, plus my 3 here all by myself? No, just an over achieving perfectionist.

Ah yes, that is it. I am a perfectionist the the point of paralysis at times, and it isn't a good thing. She is turning 5!! She won't even remember this date, except for what I choose to put in her scrapbook, that I have yet to start since I want to do my books in order and I am still on my wedding album. She has already forgotten that I foolishly made her invites purple. It WAS her favorite color. WAS. It changed about 3 minutes before I finished them, and she was angry with ME for not knowing that her favorite color is now blue. Or black. Maybe Yellow. I do love her, and respect her right to change her mind. I just wish she was still young enough for me to tell her what she loves. She is turning into a little person. She can ride her bike! She rides the bus by herself. She has friends whose parents I do not know! She is 5. No, she is 4 and 363.5/365.

She is making her own decisions, but I still get veto power for the time being. I love the theory that she should be making 5/18 of all her own decisions right now. If I am to let go of her when she is 18 and send her off into the world, she will need to be able to make every decision that comes her way. I am trying my best to enable her to do that. I give her tools every day, and now she is responsible for 5/18 of her decisions.

I digress.

Ok Cupcakes need frosting and I would like to get the colors mixed before she gets off the bus. I hope I have all her current favorite colors on hand, the ones I know about and the ones she will decide are her faves when she bounds into the door!

See what you made me do?

Yup this is typical me. I hop on a bandwagon after watching many, many go by, but don't exactly know where this one is going.

So My friend sends me his blog, and in an attempt to tell him that I look forward to reading his thoughts, I ended up starting one of my own. Ugh!. Oh well, it should be fun to see where this goes, if anywhere, and see what kind of people out there read these things anyway.

I should warn you that I am a"head down" typer and make many many mistakes, not all of them spell checkable, so bear with me, or move on. I do not have any hopes of grandure, and will not tolerate any literature flames. I do not claim to be a great writer, just your typical computer user with too much time on my hands, or so it will appear at times, I am sure.

Ok, my boy is finally asleep, so I should crawl back to my warm bed. Its too late to be thinking, even random thoughts.